Irony with extra added sugar
by tread
Summary: Assassin Sakura and Movie star Syaoran met on the Internet Sakura was to assassinate Syaoran, but unbeknownst to them they are part of a conspiracy. SxS overloaded.


This was my answer to Challenge 4 from the "I challenge you" forum: _Write a cliche that you absolutely hate (or dislike because it's been used to much) and make it a good fic, one that you'd want to read, despite being overused._ Props to kaori-chan for coming up with the topic.

I bit off more than I could chew and it grew into a giant mess that I don't want to clean up.

Summary: Assassin Sakura and Movie star Syaoran met on the Internet; Sakura was to assassinate Syaoran, but unbeknownst to them they are part of a conspiracy. SxS overloaded.

This story is rated T - May contain suggestive themes, nauseating cliches and unrealistic scenes.

**Irony with extra added sugar**

It was 11:39 PM, gang leader and trained assassin Sakura Kinomoto opened her MSN. An email from her contact was in the inbox. It was a new job. The message contained a few brief notes on the mission. Her typical assassination targets were mafia bosses, enemy gang leaders and rich old business men. This time, it was no different. The profile was a rich zillionaire business man. His name was Syaoran Li. Sakura was beginning to get bored of the monotonous jobs. However, she replied to accept the task - she needed the money.

Suddenly, a chat window from MSN popped up on her screen - It was 'Wolfie888', a friend she met on the Internet...

Wolfie888: Yo

CherryBlossomXDXD: Hey

Wolfie888: How r u?

CherryBlossomXDXD: I'm so glad you're online!

Wolfie888 has signed off.

Sakura was disappointed. Talking to her Internet friend, Wolfie888 had been a nice escape from the real world. Whoever he is, where ever he may live, Sakura would like to meet him one day. For now she was happy to know him by his text messages and nickname. She often wondered what he looked like or if he really was who he claimed to be, a rising movie star.

She always chatted with him before her missions as it calms her down. She can let lose her emotions without fear or prejudice. After all, he was only an independent observer from another world. However, Wolfie888 was now offline. She can't vent about her life, school or her job. She decided to send him an email:

Hi Wolfie,

You unexpectedly signed off tonight. Internet problems? I just want to tell you that I have another job, so you won't see me online a few days while I sort it out.

TTYL!

CherryBlossomXDXD

The next day, Sakura took leave from her school, saying that she had caught the flu. To assist in her assassination, her contact, known only as Miss M, had organised a job interview for the position of Syaoran's assistant. In the email, she was warned that this Syaoran Li was very fussy at picking assistants.

The meeting was to be informal, at a coffee shop, which was where Sakura was waiting right now.

The waiter came and took Sakura's order. She got a Cupertino. Minutes passed and she was still sipping coffee and staring at the empty seat in front of her. Agitation was sinking in.

"Where's that senile old bastard," She muttered.

"Who are you calling bastard?" a smooth masculine voice said from behind.

Senses firing up, Sakura turned her head and faced a somewhat handsome young man with messy brown hair, probably the same age as her, dressed in business attire.

"You must be Sakura Kinomoto" he suggested

Fighting the burning scarlet on her face, she gave a smile and tried to recover quickly. That was a bad start.

"Yes I am. You're a bit late for the interview. Let's get this done with quickly." she tried to sound confident.

"I do have a feeling this will be over very quickly" Syaoran replied.

Sakura bit her lip. He's definitely every bit full of it. Aside from his age, it was just how she'd predicted. All rich men are like that - pompous, arrogant jerks. She'll surely take pleasure in sending him to his demise. However, at the moment, she was on a mission and she needed to be on her best behaviour.

"Well, Miss Kinomoto. What makes you think you would make a great assistant to me?"

'I can protect you from yourself, idiot' was she wanted to say. However, a more ear pleasing response came out,

"I'm a very independent person. Ever since my father fell ill, I've been looking after the household, cooking for my father and brother. On top of that, I also go to school. In fact, I go to the best school in the region. Seishun Private School. I value my education very much!"

"Being my assistant requires you to be on call 24 hours a day. Are you prepared for that?"

"Absolutely. I wake up at six every morning" she lied "to cook breakfast for everyone in the family. I'm prepared for everything."

"Right. I also have to make a trip back to Hong Kong for business. My assistant will have to come with me. You have school don't you?"

"I can take leave from school, so that's not a problem" Sakura smiled.

"But I thought you said that you valued your education?"

Sakura cringed, he was a tough interrogator. If she's not careful, she'll paint herself into a corner. She knew they had a bad start. Being young, handsome and rich, Syaoran was probably used to having girls swoon over him. She knew that he probably wasn't happy when Sakura didn't act the same, but instead called him a 'bastard'.

"That's true, but I also value work experience and it is a great honour to work with you!" she said hopefully. Her faux fangirlism might just work.

"Indeed that many girls would give anything to be in your position right now." He gloated. Sakura privately felt sorry for the sheep, as she tried hard to not to roll her eyes.

Syaoran then sipped his coffee and appeared to be in deep thought. Sakura however, was anxious for an answer. She should be at school right now.

"So are you going to hire me now?" she beamed him a brilliant smile. Syaoran, however remained unfazed. He could tell the smile was faintly laced with malice. He really admired her self esteem and not to mention the great recovery from the stumble at the start. Any other girl will probably be stuttering right now.

"You definitely presented yourself as an intelligent, responsible girl. The answer is no" Syaoran answered. He wasn't like other guy. He wasn't about to be charmed by this cunning little girl. She needed to be taught a lesson. He knew for some reason she needed this job and he was about to make her beg for it.

Sakura was shocked. She was sure the interview went well, but suddenly, it ran off a cliff.

"But... but you just said- Why not?"

"I don't like assistants who think I'm an _old senile bastard_."

The smile had disappeared from her face as she realised that she was being played through the whole interview.

"If you've made your mind at the start, why did you even bother with the interview?" She was outraged.

"You seemed to be well prepared for it, so I didn't want to waste your efforts" he smiled, knowing he had full authority over the situation.

Looking at the time, he prepared to leave.

"I'm very busy. Good luck with your job hunting," he put down five dollars and stood up to leave.

Gritting her teeth, Sakura wanted to _job hunt_ him right now. Nobody treats her badly and get away with it. However, she knew he wanted her to beg. Well, he's going to get it.

"Wait! I really need this job..." she paused and lowered her head and conjured up sobs. Her breathing became heavy. Tears trickled down her face and crystal droplets fell from her chin. Her quiet sobbing then grew louder.

She stole a quick glance to make sure Syaoran was watching. Syaoran was stunned. He really was not expecting a grown girl to just break down like that in public. As Sakura cried louder, they were getting stares from the other tables. People were whispering and shaking their heads. His face grew hot. People were probably thinking that he just broke up with her. He quickly got to her side to stop her from make a bigger scene.

Noticing his close presence, Sakura looked up straight into Syaoran's eyes. The sight of Sakura watery eyes and yearning look was too much for Syaoran to bear. The mixture of cuteness and sadness was like electric jolt right through his heart.

"Please..." she whimpered.

Syaoran had enough.

"Okay, okay, I'll give you the job, stop crying." Holding back her sniffles she gave Syaoran a hug, burying her face in his muscular chest, hidden from view on the tear stained face was a malicious smile.

zz

zz

"Hooeeeee!" That was the sound of the rude awakening of a little girl in the little town of Tomaeda. She was late for the first day of her new job. Her first assignment, as Syaoran's assistant was to accompany him to Hong Kong for some business. Apparently, Syaoran's family lived in HK. She cringed at meeting with any family member. Cursing at the new routine she now had to follow, she quickly brushed her teeth.

"Kaijuu, you're going to be late!"

"I'm not a kaijuu" Sakura yelled as she stomped down stairs.

Her father was sitting at the breakfast table eating. He was weak from illness, but always managed a smile and a greeting to Sakura each morning.

"Good morning, Sakura-san"

"Ohiyo, otou-san!"

She grabbed some pancakes that her brother made from the stack and dashed for the door, saying her goodbyes to her family.

"Be careful Sakura! I don't trust that gaki!" Touya yelled as Sakura disappeared into the streets.

zz

zz

Syaoran was impatient. This time, the roles were reversed. He was the early one and she was the late one.

"Sorry!" Syaoran heard the voice of his newly hired. Putting on his most annoyed face, he turned around. He had discovered that there was a weak side to an otherwise strong girl and he was going to exploit for all it was worth.

"Miss Kinomoto, I thought you said you were very punctual? You're nearly half an hour late! It'd be a miracle if they still let us check-in!" scolded Syaoran as they power walked to the checkin desks.

After some sweet talking, the clerk finally allowed them to take the flight to Hong Kong. Whirling past the customs and boarding process, they were now comfortably, sitting on board the aircraft.

Sakura was really tired. She woke up two hours earlier than usual just to catch this early flight. Syaoran had been talking on and on about something to do with his company. Whatever Sakura heard from her right ear came out from the left. His monotonic words were becoming like a lullaby.

The aircraft seats aren't exactly the best place to sleep. She soon found herself tilting sideways and in her drowsiness, grabbing what she thought was a great pillow. That pillow was Syaoran's shoulder.

Initially flinching at the sudden contact, he tried to wake her up by moving his arm, only to have her growl in her sleep and tug tighter. Sighing, he wondered if he had made the right choice in hiring her. Soon, he too let slumber take over and unconsciously, resting his head on Sakura's.

As a flight attendant walked by, she couldn't help but utter "Awww, what a cute couple..."

zz

zz

"Mrs Li, could you adjust your chair forward? It's nearly lunch." The flight attendant lady interrupted their sweet slumber.

"Wha...?" Sakura slowly opened her eyes. Where was she again? She felt someone resting against her and turning her head at the sight of a doozy Syaoran, she yelp and quickly detached herself from him. Syaoran still asleep slumped further sideways into Sakura's territory, his head bumping into a certain female part, which in a split second, Sakura reacted

"Aaaaaaaahhh, pervert!"

The scream woke Syaoran up. Still dazed, he sat upright and said to Sakura "Stop being so lou..." He couldn't finish the sentence as a slap landed on his face.

"What was that for!" He asked bewildered, now more conscious of his surroundings. Their commotion had attracted the attention of the whole cabin. Everyone was whispering. Syaoran was now angry. He was hoping for an uneventful flight.

"For being a total perv! That's what!" She screamed at him.

"Be quiet!" Syaoran never knew he hired such a ditz for his assistant.

"I would, if you'd stop touching me!"

He promptly covered Sakura's mouth to keep her from making anymore nonsense.

"Is there a problem here?" A flight staff came to see what the commotion was about.

"No, sorry for that" Syaoran smiled "My assistant here just hasn't taken her medication yet."

Hearing that Sakura retaliated by biting Syaoran's hand. However, a little pain wasn't about to make Syaoran let go. Finally after much struggling, Sakura calmed down. Peace was once again brought upon the cabin.

"If you touch me again, I will scream and won't stop next time" Sakura warned.

"I did not touch you!"

"Yes you did"

"Yeah you wish. Maybe you were dreaming it"

Face flushing red, Sakura was flabbergasted.

"Why would I be dreaming about you touching me?"

Syaoran just stared at her like she was asking the most obvious question in the world.

Sakura didn't know why she was arguing with him anyway. It was like a Cat arguing with a mouse. Who cares what he thinks when he's going to be dead in a few days. She made sure to get the last word in just before she kills him. That'll teach him.

zz

zz

The following hours were peaceful as they stopped talking to each other, and instead, found better uses for their time. It was around mid-flight when the captain made a important announcement:

"Passengers, this is the captain speaking. Due to the typhoon ahead of us, we have to make an emergency landing at a nearby airport."

"Great" Syaoran muttered.

Sakura immediately saw this was an opportunity. She'll take him out once the plane lands. Then get on the plane. He will be missing and some random person will get blamed for murdering him for his money. Quite simple, she smiled to herself.

After the plane landed, they were informed that the flight will be grounded for the next nine hours. Being night time, Syaoran decided to stay at the airport hotel, instead sleeping on terminal seats.

Arriving at the hotel reception, Syaoran asked specifically for two rooms. He was afraid that she might accuse him of doing _something_ again.

"I'm sorry, there's only a room with a double bed free" the hotel clerk said apologetically. Apparently, rooms were mostly booked out by people on the same flight. After a brief thought, he decided that any room is better than no room.

"We'll take it then"

On the elevator, Syaoran decided to lay down the rules.

"I'll sleep on the bed, you can take the floor"

"Oh, what gentlemen you are." Sakura scoffed. "How about, you take the floor!" The point was really moot since Syaoran won't be around to stop her when it gets to that, but she was not one to back down from a fight.

"Take the floor with you?" Syaoran feigned a shock expression at her "suggestion".

Gritting her teeth, Sakura didn't respond, lest Syaoran to twist her words again.

At the room, Syaoran announced that he would take a shower. It was an opportunity for Sakura to plan her mission.

After she heard the water running, she proceeded to go through Syaoran's stuff. There were sheets of company documents, shirts, under pants, but finally she found what she was looking for - his Laptop computer.

Placing it on the bed and powering it, she realised that it was password protected. Normally, she would proceed to crack the password, but she didn't have the time. Syaoran would finish his shower at any moment.

"I guess, it's show time..." she muttered as she raced to her baggage. Opening her back pack and luggage, she collected pieces of a dismantled handgun she had hidden for reassembly. Being a trained assassin, she was trained to do that in less than thirty seconds. Loading up the bullets, she hoped this will just be another textbook scenario.

Lightly sprinting to the bathroom door she placed her ear on the door to listen for noise inside. There was just the repetitious sound of running water. Slowly turning the knob, she edged the door open. Steam began pouring out of the bathroom. There was a shower stall, which Syaoran was probably in. She slowly creep to the stall, readying her gun, she opened it, and shouted "Freeze!" only to find an empty stall.

Where did he go? Her question answered when he came from behind

However, Syaoran due to his bare feet and the wet surface, Syaoran slipped and end up with his bottom on the ground. When he tried to looked up, he was faced with the barrel of Sakura's gun.

Sakura was still catching her breath. She was lucky that he slipped or else...

"Get up!" Sakura commanded.

Syaoran with a scowl on his face, complied. However, when he stood up, his towel dropped. Sakura winced when she caught sight of his "appendage" in her field of view. She couldn't help but blush. Slight amusement arose in Syaoran.

"Should I pick it up?"

Trying hard not to look, Sakura agreed "Pick it up, but try anything and I'll shoot!"

"I wouldn't dream of it"

He proceeded to pick up the towel and fix it back on to his waist.

"Now turn around and go out"

"What about the shower, the water is expensive, you know..."

"I'll turn it off after you're dead" Sakura replied coldly.

"So what exactly do you want?"

"Unlock your computer" she gave him discrete commands.

"You know, you won't be getting away with this"

Sakura gave a small laugh. "Famous last words. I wash my hands very clean after taking care of scum like you!"

Syaoran was unfazed. After all, she really didn't know who she is dealing with. Syaoran had been trained in martial arts since the age of five. No hit men or assassin could get to him, let alone a little girl. Syaoran though, was impressed at how Sakura could carry out assassinations at her age. After hiring her as his secretary, he did a background check on her using details on her CV. Information was scarce, however, he did find information indicating that she might have a side job as an assassin.

"So you're going to kill me after you get the money?" Syaoran asked casually.

Sakura was beginning to feel uneasy. Normally, her targets would be squirming and begging for mercy at this stage. Syaoran was acting strangely calm.

"I'll kill you right now, if you want."

"Go ahead" Syaoran challenged.

Sakura's grip on the gun tightened.

"I'm not joking. I will kill you. And also - you did touch me on the plane! You pervert"

Syaoran rolled his eyes.

On the outside she was calm and collected. However, in her mind, there was a colossal struggle. She was questioning the last objective of the mission. Did Syaoran really deserve to die? Unlike her other targets, he was really young. He was her age. She felt guilty for betraying him.

"Since I'm going to die, can I ask you something?" Syaoran interrupted her thoughts

"I guess,"

"What did you think of me? Truthfully"

Sakura dreaded at answering questions like these. But if this was his last wish, then she would at least grant it.

"Fine. I give you one last answer. Even if you're a bit of an arrogant jerk, you can be nice sometimes. If we had met in different circumstances, I think we could be friends."

"Just friends?" Syaoran feigned a shock expression.

"I'm asking if you have any feelings for me at all." He wasn't going to stop until he can force a confession out of her.

Sakura paused to think how she would answer this. Why is he asking this now? Was what she thought that important to him?

"You're rich and handsome - any girl would fall for you..."

"Even you?"

"Yes"

This was all Syaoran wanted to hear before he brought her back to the harsh reality. Seeing Sakura momentarily in her reverie, he swiftly flipped himself over to behind Sakura. Grabbing her and putting her in a headlock, he knocked her gun down on the ground. Then she was pressed to the ground. Using his towel, he tied her hands together behind her back.

"Little girls shouldn't play with guns" he whispered to her ears.

Sakura put up no resistance. She was caught off guard. She was too stunned, too engrossed in thought to react. When she finally realised what just transpired, she gave a slight bitter chuckle.

"So you were playing me all along..."

"You still got a long way to go before you can take down someone like me"

"You knew all along."

"I knew to be careful of you"

As she had her face against the carpet, she thought her life was ruined. Slowly, tears that she kept hard from escaping trickled down from her eyes. She was going to be arrested, charged with attempted murder and jailed. His father will die because he won't get the money for medicine - All because of her incompetence.

To make sure she doesn't escape, he got duct tape from his luggage to properly tie her up.

"So you are going to turn me in to the police?"

Syaoran turned to face her with slight amusement.

"You wish. I'm going to torture you till you spill everything."

Sakura wasn't sure if this was good news or bad news.

"Torture me? What torture?" She wasn't sure if she was hearing him correctly?

"The kind of torture you might enjoy."

"What? That has to be illegal!"

"Right, and trying to kill me isn't." He had a point. Syaoran can basically do whatever he wants with her.

"However, lucky for you, I'm just kidding. I still need an assistant."

"What? After I tried to kill you, you still want me as your assistant?" Sakura just couldn't understand Syaoran. He seemed too relaxed after his brush with death. Was he that confident? Is he on drugs? Remembering the email, the description of him was unusually brief. If she had known he was trained in martial arts, she would've taken precautions.

"I like to keep my friends close, my enemies closer..."

zz

zz

The flight back was uneventful, except for the fact that Syaoran kept a close eye on Sakura. Sakura, slightly incensed her awkward predicament, decided not to talk to him.

"So, _Sakura_, you like me huh?" Syaoran teased. Her only conscious response was to look away in indignation towards the clouds outside the aircraft window. However, Syaoran could see the slight tint of crimson on her cheeks.

zz

zz

They were at the steps of the Li residence. Yelan, Syaoran's mother welcomed his son. "Hi Xiao Lang, I hope you remember what I asked of you last time we talked."

Realization struck Syaoran like a one zillion volt lightning strike. How could he have totally forgotten? He was now kicking himself in his mind. This is not the kind of issue he wanted to deal with. Seeing Syaoran face turn into scowl, Yelan pressed on:

"So dear son, have you found the bearer of your child?"

The Li family tradition was that the heir must find a wife by the age of twenty, or else the family lineage will endure a thousand years of bad luck. Yelan had told Syaoran that he must find a wife or one will be chosen for him.

"Just as I thought, Aunty Yelan. Xiao Lang can't find a girl on his own." A tall girl with long azure hair standing beside Yelan shook her head. "Don't worry, little cousin, we have just the right girl for you!" she gave an evil grin.

Syaoran cringed at having to live the rest of his life with some random ditzy emotional girl that he barely even knew.

"I can too find my own girl!" Syaoran retorted. He ran his hand through his messy hair. He now had a plan. A dumb one, but one nonetheless. "In fact, I brought her with me."

A auburn hair girl walked up the steps carry her luggage.

"Mother, I like you to meet Sakura, my new fiance"

Scepticism was seen in Meiling's eyes. Yelan however, was slightly amused by this turn of events.

"Huh?" Sakura was dumbfounded.

* * *

ARGHHH cliffhanger! Will Sakura try to finish her mission? How will Syaoran make Sakura go along with pretending? What evil scheme does Yelan have for his son? Where's Tomoyo and Eriol? What will happen to Wolfie888 and CherryBlossomXDXD? Is Sakura's father going to die?

Originally, this was to be a one shot. Due to time constraints, a lot of plot got cut on the editing floor. And what's ironic about this fic? Well... you can find it on the editing floor. I'm sorry, but I haven't got what it takes to finish this story. Suffice to say, they probably will live at the Li mansion happily ever after.

If you leave a review, I'd be very very grateful :D


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